Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
