Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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