my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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