just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
