he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
