this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize