Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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