So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
