omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize