he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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