I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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