i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
