I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
