there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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