Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
wow bdsm is so cute
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
