Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
