dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
