I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
