Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize