Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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