38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
