well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
