i need an iv and a liver transplant
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
