all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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