He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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