New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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