she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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