I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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