What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
