dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
