clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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