She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize