I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
