chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
