Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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