So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We need to get me chipped asap
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Holy shit dude........stairs
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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