last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
