I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
