3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
