By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize