Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
