So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
