some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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