I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Shame is for Republicans.
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