White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
