she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
