I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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