Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
