The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I need a beard to bite.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
