The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
