My first STD was from a foam party
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
