Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you win again, gameday.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
