They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
