Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm too high and old for this...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
