oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
