that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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