It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize