i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
