Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
