he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
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