Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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