just survived the first fart of the relationship.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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