In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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