the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
