Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
