When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
