My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
