i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
